loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
