Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
