What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
