Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
