Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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