sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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