i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
