Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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