so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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