if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
