Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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