that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
