Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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