Im at strip club and am horny
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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