If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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