So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
