He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
