I think I died a long time ago.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
