Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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