Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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