the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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