I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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