party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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