u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
