Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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