Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
