he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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