that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
