She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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