I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
