I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
