Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
