I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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