I wanna passion pit in your ass
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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