sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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