What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
