Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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