and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
