My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
