you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize