I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
