I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
