and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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