I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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