I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize