Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
