so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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