She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
