Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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