I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im part way to drunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
