There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
