Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
