I'm pants shitting drunk right now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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