I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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