Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
