I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
