this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
