yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
