There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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