he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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