There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
