hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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