Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
