i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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