You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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