There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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